I Love My Boring Adult Life

Remember when you were in high school or college and your life was always full of exciting changes and choices? And so when people asked you what was new, you always had an interesting answer. Even if the answer was that you were trying to procrastinate studying for your midterms. I feel like every time I talk to my mom or an old friend on the phone and they ask me, “What’s new?” that I never have a good answer anymore. I work, I come home and make dinner, maybe go to the gym, clean, watch Netflix with my roommates, read an interesting book. That’s about how a normal day goes for me.

But here’s the thing, even though my life is pretty boring and predictable right now, I really love it. I love having a regular schedule. I love my job. I love getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep every day. I love planning my life a week or two in advance. Basically, I love being a boring adult.

I recognize that a lot of other people don’t, and that’s fine. But I get a ton of joy and satisfaction from a stable lifestyle. That’s not to say that I never do anything cool. I try to go on a hike every week. I volunteer with a few organizations regularly. I love traveling and exploring new places. I love delicious food and finding new restaurants. I read really great books and have fascinating discussions with friends.

Even though my life is a little mundane, it’s also rich and full and that’s a good place to be!

It’s the little things

This week I’ve been reminded that the little things in life make a big difference. If I eat healthy food, or junk food; if I get enough sleep; if I sleep too much; if I exercise; if I keep my house clean; if I talk about things positively, or negatively; if I smile throughout the day; if I stop to say hi to someone that I know.

These things might not effect the bottom line of my day – how much got done – but ultimately they effect everything. They effect how I think about the day and how I feel about it. If I make good decisions about the little things, I go to bed happier, and start the next day with more optimism. Of course we can’t do everything right all the time; I’m the first person to profess that. But when we develop the obvious good habits, the effects are evident immediately. At least in my experience.

Life is Beautiful

There are so many times when life feels insanely stressful, or unsatisfying and structureless. I’ve been in both places very recently, but for the last week I have been so happy with my life, and I want to celebrate that. A friend of mine said that whenever change is imminent you start to look at your day-to-day with anticipatory nostalgia. You realize that it won’t last, so you revel in the good times. Maybe that’s all this is, but honestly, I don’t care. I feel strangely calm with my lack of set plans as I wait to hear back from several jobs. I am not worried that I don’t currently have a place to stay after next month. I just know that everything is going to work out. Allowing myself to feel anything but happy about my amazing roommates, and my great students, and my hammock hanging up in the front yard isn’t actually going to help anything. Me getting up, enjoying my wonderful life, and working towards my future is just so much better.

So what are your plans now?

It seems like such a simple question. But when you don’t know the answer to that question, it’s something you dread being asked. It’s worse than a game of “Would you rather” because then at least you would have narrowed down the options to just two.

A part of me still gets a little panicked when someone asks me this question, but it’s getting better. I realized that rather than trying to pressure me, these well meaning friends and family members just want to connect with me. They want to know what I’m doing and show their support. So instead of reacting defensively because I am still figuring out the specifics of my life, I’ve been attempting to express gratitude instead. Attempting being the key word here.

But it’s started to change my whole attitude, because getting defensive in response to something that wasn’t an attack is not productive, it’s just harmful. I was inadvertently harming my relationships and myself by misinterpreting this question. Rather than allowing their attempt to connect with me to draw us closer together, I was pushing them away.

Instead of stressing out, which is what I used to do because I felt the mounting pressure of life decisions each time I heard this question, I am consciously pushing that aside and realizing that these people who care enough to ask the question are actually the key to my success. They are here to cheer me on in whatever path I decide, even if that path is currently undefined.

Self Discovery

As much as new experiences can be awkward and intimidating, it’s important to switch things up regularly. You just learn so much about yourself.

Having a hotel room all my own has been the first time I’ve had a space completely to myself, maybe ever. I’ve had my own room, but never lived by myself. I know that is something that a lot of people look forward to. They can’t wait to have enough money to not need a roommate. That never appealed to me though. I’m too social.

It was a good opportunity to explore that possibility and see what it would be like. What I learned is that I would meticulous if I lived alone. Much like the picture above, but everywhere in my apartment. Everything would have a place and I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone disturbing my systems.

There are a lot of nice things about living alone. Like not worrying about turning out the light until you’re ready and knowing how much food you have in the refrigerator.  I could do it if I wanted to, but I still don’t think I do. I am a better person when I’m thinking of others frequently and a happier one too. So I don’t think it’ll stick, but it’s been a good moment of self-discovery.

The American West

When I was younger I used to think I was meant for the east coast, or Europe. Obviously somewhere much more interesting than the place I was from. I imagined that when I got older I’d pack up my stuff and move to one of those places. Then everything would feel right.

I’m now a pseudo grown up who has been blessed enough to live in a lot of the places I always dreamed of when I was young. I love traveling and always will, but on a recent road trip to southwestern Wyoming I realized something about my heart; and that something was that I love the American West. As my little sedan led me through mountain passes and finally rode over the peak of a mountain to reveal a valley and a hill littered with windmills on the other side my chest tightened and I realized that the scene resonated within my soul. There’s something about the large mountains and dry air that stirs my heart in a way that even the English countryside can’t do. While I often find places that overcome me with beauty and history around the world, it’s my own backyard that makes me feel at home.

To Be

The question is not “To be, or not to be.” This isn’t a question of existence in general, it’s what I want that existence to consist of. I recognize that life is something special and every day will come and ask to be lived. Sometimes the question is whispered so quietly I don’t hear it as I work on my daily to do list, sometimes it’s loud and exciting.

Yesterday I pondered my convoluted answer to the question of “What I want to be when I grow up.” Today as I was reading over the post in the light of a new day, a new word stuck out: be. What do I want to be? This is so much more than a career or a job, this is the type of human being I want to become. Although I don’t have a lot of answers about what job I want, I know much more clearly what type of person I want to become, which for a lot of people is the harder question to answer.

I’ve been compiling my hopes and dreams of becoming since before I can remember. I’ve been lucky enough to have people in my life that have shown me all the facets of what makes life beautiful. I want to be the best parts of all the people I love, but more importantly, all the best parts of myself.

The great thing about this life long endeavor is that I can achieve this anywhere in the world. I can be single or married. I can have any career. Whatever happens in my life, the person I am will always be the most important defining characteristic and that is an answer I already have.

When I grow up

 

Sometimes as the weight of the rest of my life settles firmly on my shoulders I have to concentrate on breathing calmly and evenly as the sheer magnitude of uncertainty registers in my brain.

Everyone reassures me that it’s okay to not know what I want to be when I grow up, and yet they don’t stop asking the question. My breath quickens. Each day that destination comes closer and my search for an answer becomes more frantic.

Stay calm. “What do I want to be when I grow up? What do I want?”

I didn’t imagine I would be here–twenty-four, single, almost graduated, lacking a definite direction. Scared.

My fear raises my pulse. “It wasn’t supposed to be this way” is the first thing that comes to my mind when the question is asked. What do I want? Not this.

Not so many decisions to make. Not to resettle again, the fourteenth time in six years. Not looking out at the big wide world to explore, still alone on my journey. My hurried breath settles into deep sad sighs.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself!” I shout in my head. “You have so many things to be happy about and so many great opportunities.”

The guilt settles high in my chest underneath my collarbone, trapped by my shallow breath.

“Calm down, things are going to work out.” I reassure myself, and my breath becomes more even. “You don’t have to have all the answers right now, just keep working towards them.”

But while this answer successfully slows my pulse, it does nothing to unclutter the mess of expectations in my brain just above my right temple, at least that’s where it twinges when I shuffle them around to try and make some progress.

I circle my way through this internal argument daily, hoping one day I’ll finally get off the merry-go-round and reach nirvana, which is exactly what the peace of mind I receive will feel like. But until that moment,

 

I’m just a little lost.

I want to be this when I grow up

Via: YourGrannyWasChic

Moe is so undervalued

You know, moe. The choice that you don’t even really think about, but turns out to be the best one. He gets to the party last, after everyone else is involved in the movie or game and so no one notices him. But when they do they kick themselves because he’s awesome.

Moe is taking 3 hours on an assignment due at midnight on Wednesday.
Moe is being able to go home and eat real food and not something from a vending machine.
Moe is more study time.
Moe is more sleep.
Moe is spending an hour longer than expected on my stats midterm.
Moe is still paying attention to the most important things.
Moe is getting to the temple on Thursday night and giving people rides home.
Moe is changing your plans to make the best decision all around.
Moe is taking my Stats test on Thursday.

Life is all about choices. Setting goals is important, they help us get to where we want to arrive. They help us feel good about the baby steps, but often goals have to be adjusted. I could have taken my stats test on Wednesday. I would have snacked from the vending machine, not studied enough, not had enough time to take the test, and not completed my reading assignment by midnight. Ultimately my little goal of not paying a late fee was pushed aside in response to bigger goals: like doing well in my classes and taking care of my body. So I made adjustments. For my last midterm I’ll start studying earlier so that taking the test earlier will be Mr. Moe. But today Moe was taking my Stats test on Thursday.