It always happens right about now–end of February and early March. I don’t know why I expected this year to be different, but it’s frustrating nonetheless. I hate being irresponsible because I can barely keep my life together. Because when I sit down in front of a computer to write a paper or memorize vocab it’s like cramming spaghetti through the eye of a needle. Cooked spaghetti. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere, in fact I’m forgetting all the concepts I already learned. One second I feel like I might have it together again, and then 2 hours later I’m a frantic wreck.
I fall asleep in class, which is not a normal occurrence. I watch TV, also unusual. I forget things, important things. I have to back out of obligations just so I can get the bare minimum done. Is it wrong to wish for sanity? Or the ability to go without sleep? Or the ability to sleep more than 6 hours in a night? I know, 6 hours right? That should be sufficient for a college student. But it’s not. Apparently 18 hours is not enough time to get everything done and 6 isn’t enough to rejuvenate me. I think I’ll start looking in every closet I can find until I discover Narnia or Hogwarts. Maybe they’ll let me clean dishes and listen to Cascada with the house elves.
C’est la vie
I really need to stop complaining. I mean, this is what I signed up for. I knew life was going to be hard when I made the decision to come. I knew there would be a LOT of human limitations that I would have to deal with. I don’t regret that decision for a second and I never will. The reality is that these experiences are a blessing and I learn a lot from them. I have a Heavenly Father who is helping me in every way he can. He wouldn’t have sent me here to fail.
Knowing all this doesn’t make days and weeks like this any easier… or does it. It’s because of this knowledge that I get up in the morning and do everything I can to make today better than yesterday. To improve on one portion of yesterday that I failed at. Maybe I’ll fail today too–there’s always tomorrow, and the next day. Eventually I’ll get the hang of it and move on to bigger and better things. And in ten years I’ll look back and laugh at frustrated I was. How small of an issue it will seem to me then. Until that day, I’ll just keep on going, and maybe write about it once in a while. Hope you’re all having a wonderful Friday.