Sometimes I feel empty of inspiration, of passion. Like right now. I’ve already taken a test and written a paper this week and I don’t want to continue cramming for another midterm. The thing is, I actually find this stuff interesting. I love learning how the world works and why people do what they do. It’s just that sometimes I feel like I’m squeezing at a dried up rag trying to get it to drip water into the pot of my accomplishments. So I watch five episodes of a sub-par television show on hulu and call it rejuvenation. I try all the little things–like going for a run, reading my scriptures, listening to Regina Spektor, and eating ice cream but I wonder if the answer isn’t just to give myself a little time.
But I don’t have time. I have to take the test now. I have so much more I could do if I didn’t have to give myself so much time. I could finish all my homework without loosing sleep. Clean the apartment everyday. Volunteer at an orphanage. Learn Finnish. Sometimes I feel empty of motivation, and this frustrates me. I feel acutely aware of my limitations, and the possibilities that will probably never be because of these limitations. And then I wonder why I am the way I am, when others can change the world. If you know the answer, let me know.